Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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