pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You made out with two different species that night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My feet surprised me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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