my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think brook has ever known best
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
