I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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