I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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