Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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