Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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