i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
