I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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