I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
