i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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