i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
