forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
not ubering you a puppy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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