Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
