i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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