You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
