if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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