I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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