At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
