He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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