OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
