it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
