I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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