My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
