I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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