I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
