One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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