If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
