would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
