I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
