if i can run in heels then i can drive
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
