May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I cockslap morals
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
