I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
