i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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