I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
