I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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