i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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