Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
