you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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