There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well you can't waste a boner
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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