He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
