haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
