every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
