You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
