hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
