did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
