I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
