just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
