Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
