I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
