I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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