I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
