I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
