Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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