I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
