You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
