I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
