i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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