do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
