the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
