I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
