and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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