remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
