Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize