I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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