he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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