Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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