Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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