I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
