If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
