I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
