Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drake has all the answers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
