You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
