I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
